


the gravity keeping you with me

by intheendinwonderland



Category: Stranger Things - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Based on a Taylor Swift Song, Child Neglect, Cuddling & Snuggling, F/F, Huddling For Warmth, Hurt/Comfort, Jealousy, Lesbian Maxine "Max" Mayfield, Mutual Pining, Pansexual Eleven | Jane Hopper, Pining, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, References to Depression, Reunions, Sexuality Crisis, i don’t hate mike just read the whole thing, the main character death isn’t really a main character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-25
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-14 15:47:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29669562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/intheendinwonderland/pseuds/intheendinwonderland
Summary: After deaths and trauma, El moves away to Illinois, causing Max to suddenly reassess her life.  Sudden realizations and reunions and tragedies will only ever bring the girls closer together then they could have ever dreamed.
Relationships: Eleven | Jane Hopper/Maxine "Max" Mayfield
Comments: 17
Kudos: 10





	1. I

**Author's Note:**

> This chapter is based on: Come Back, Be Here by Taylor Swift

_Taxi cabs and busy streets  
That never bring you back to me  
I can’t help but wish you took me with you_  
________________________________________

Brown eyes and soft curls. Pink lips opened slightly, coming nearer. Long eyelashes brushing cheeks. Light bird-wing touches from soft fingers. A tattoo on a wrist. 

011\. 

New images flash before her. It’s a monster, disgusting and gross, with sharp tentacles. It’s coming closer and closer and it’s going take Max’s heart out-

Max shuddered, her eyes struggling to open. It was still early and the sun hasn’t risen yet. She recalls her dream that’s already been fading away from her. It was Eleven, and then the Mind Flayer. Again. 

It’s been three weeks since El moved away. Three months and twenty one days since Billy died. 

School started a few days after El left with the Byers, and Max is in high school now. She doesn’t really care. Max has never been one to obsess over school, but it’s never been like this. All of her friends have been so distant. Her and Lucas are back together surprisingly, considering Max can’t even remember how many times they broke up, but they haven’t talked since El and Will left.

Ever since Billy died, Neil has been harsher. Max knows that they had a rough relationship, but she would’ve thought he would have been more upset over his only son’s murder. But to be fair, he doesn’t know how he died. He doesn’t know that he sacrificed himself to grotesque monster from another world that possessed a large chunk of the town. He doesn’t know that Billy was impaled and removed of his heart from a tentacled, leaving his bloody, empty body cold and unmoving for all eternity. 

Max doesn’t know why she feels so out of the loop, she doesn’t know why she misses Billy, she doesn’t know why she misses last summer where she almost died, and she doesn’t know why she is almost always thinking about El. All she knows is that she feels like shit. 

Max hops out of bed, having to leave for school early because no one will drive her anymore. She sorts through her sweaters and jeans, being reminded of the day she went shopping with El. That day was perfect. It was like a spark struck inside her and lit her up brighter than she ever thought she could be. But now that spark is gone. Gone with packed bags, and teary hugs, and hands left powerless. Max wishes she could have it back. 

The air outside is cold, colder than it should be for October. Max doesn’t have a coat, and her backpack full of papers and books she can’t understand weigh down heavily on her shoulders as she rides on her skateboard. The morning ride has been causing her to loose her sleep, and it makes her more tired during the days. The combination of new advances in school and her friends abandoning her has not been good for her mental health. 

Max is going to do it today. She is going to talk to Dustin, and her boyfriend Lucas. And Mike. It’s kind of ironic how Lucas and Dustin bothered her and even talked her into being friends with them, and now she is the one who is going to beg them to talk to her. Mike never really liked Max, but she never really liked him either. 

The sounds of the skateboard against the gravel soothe Max’s nerves a tiny bit as she rides along. Her red hair breezes behind her with the wind, slightly greasy and knotted from Max’s lack of taking care of herself in the recent days. Cars zoom down the road, more than usual. Max wonders what would happen if those cars took her away. Away from home, with cigarette smoke and loud fights and having to eat dinner at night because she was scared of Neil, and away from the school with the judgmental boys and girls and former friends who probably hate her. 

Max shudders as she pulls up to the building, feeling faint. She heads to her first class, English. Dustin is there, always early. Out of the three boys, Dustin seems the least scary out of all of them. Max can definitely handle Dustin. 

Max tightens her grip on her backpack, knuckles white with stress. Carefully, she shuffles down and takes the seat next to Dustin, keeping her eyes on her desk and fiddling with her pencil. 

“Max.” 

Max whips her head fast to side, suddenly feeling unprepared for conversation. Max feels guilty for her fear, because this boy has saved her life multiple times.

“Max,” Dustin repeats. He isn’t as energetic as he usually is, but he seems fine. Not angry or anything. Max doesn’t know why he would be angry, but again Max doesn’t really know anything. 

“Oh uh, h-hi Dustin,” Max stutters out, refusing to look him in the eye, regretting her choice to sit next to him early. 

“Why have you been avoiding us?”

“I don’t know what you mean.” Max knows of course that she has been avoiding him, but it isn’t exactly a lie. She just has know idea why she has felt the need to avoid him. Except that she kind of does . . . 

“Cut the bullshit, Max. I haven’t talked to you in weeks, and neither has Lucas or Mike. The only times i’ve seen you are in this room and or in lunch but you are always in the back, feeling upset of who knows what. I just want to why you’ve been avoiding me, is that too hard to ask?” 

“I told you I don’t know!” Max said, her voice sounding far too upset for her liking. She hears the school bell ring and the teacher walks into the room, and turns away from Dustin. She can feel his eyes staring at the back of her head, but she ignores him. 

The lesson is boring, focused on preparation for an essay she will have to write. The bell rings at the end, and Max grabs her stuff quick, trying to get away as possible. As she hurries out the door, she feels Dustin grab her shoulder. 

“Fuck off!” she yells as she runs down the halls. She hears a teacher yell at her for her language but she ignores him. She whips around and sees Dustin’s shocked face before she slams herself into the girl’s bathroom. 

She shuts herself in a stall, sitting on top of a toilet seat. She squeezes her eyes shut, trying to stop the hot tears threatening to slip down her cheeks. She is so pathetic. Her friends fucking hate her, and she was a bitch to one when he tried to get her back. She probably ruined her only chance. And here she is, crying in the bathroom like the fucking loser she is. 

Max remembers when she thought her friends didn’t hate her. But that was before. Before her shit brother got murdered, before the person she let in the most abandoned her, before Neil revealed the truth to her. That she’s a worthless piece of shit taking up space, and there’s absolutely no reason why anybody would appreciate her presence. Max kind of wishes she was back in the days when  
she thought she was worth it. It’s not like she’s depressed or anything, she just know who she truly is. 

Max digs through her bag, searching to see if she snuck in any cigarettes from Billy’s leftover stash. She never has smoked before, but she needs something to take her mind off how her life is going to be now. 

She will be sad and alone for the rest of her life. She just has to accept that. 

Max stays in that very same stall for a few more hours, zoning in and out of focus. She hears the bell ring for lunch. She doesn’t want to go and be forced to socialize, but she hasn’t eaten since yesterday’s lunch, and she’s starving. 

She walks fast to the cafeteria with her eyes focused on the ground, hoping to grab a sandwich or something and then she’ll be able to leave. Her skateboard lays awkwardly in her arms, digging into her skin. The next thing she knows, she drops it. Max picks her skateboard up, and rushes forward, still staring at the ground. She bumps into a person and stumbles, falling on the floor. 

It’s Lucas. And Mike next to him, staring down at her with that irritated scowl he always has on his face. 

Max scrambles up, trying to run away. She feels a hand grab her arm. She whips around angrily, annoyed that this is happening to her again. 

“What the fuck do you want?” Max hisses. 

“We just wanted to talk to you, Max. Nobody has talked to you since Will and El left,” Lucas replies hesitantly, Mike still staring at her threateningly. 

“I’m not in the mood, Stalker. Just leave me alone, okay?” Max bursts out, walking fast away from the boys. 

“What is wrong with you?” Mike exclaims to the back of Max’s head. Max can almost see him rolling his eyes. Mike is so irritating. He never liked her, and his strange obsession with El has always bothered Max. She guesses it couldn’t be classified as an obsession, because he is her boyfriend, unless they broke up in the weeks she has been gone. 

“Mike, I told you I don’t want to talk, so I don’t understand why you are so smug and conceited. I don’t want to be associated with you freaks, because I don’t want to be fucking dead!” It wasn’t fully true, but it wasn’t a complete lie. Max loves Lucas, even though her relationship with him terrifies her, and some days Mike can be enjoyable. She just doesn’t want to think about whatever dumb problems they have. She doesn’t want to hear about Mike whining about El, and she doesn’t want to hear about Dustin and Lucas’s silly adventures. She doesn’t want to hear them forget about Will, and she doesn’t want them to bother her when all she wants is to stop thinking about the ways it could’ve been. 

The ways it could’ve been. Imagine if there was a reality where some alternate universe and deadly monsters that come out of sci-fi books. Max can see her perfect world almost clearly. She would be living with her father, and she wouldn’t know Billy existed, but he wouldn’t be dead either. El and Will would be here, and no one would be dating each other and causing problems, and they could just live. Live like the rest of the blissfully unaware teenagers do in this town. 

Max shakes her head, trying to get her to stop thinking about things that could never happen. It’s sort of funny how quick things changed for her. One moment she was leaving California to some strange town in Indiana with a new stepfather and stepbrother who start fights at any given chance. Then somehow she’s living in Hawkins, and befriends the weird kids who for some reason are obsessed with her. Now look where Max is. Causing problems with her former boyfriend, a kid who had a crush on her, and a boy who hates her guts. Her brother who always fucking hated her is dead, the only person Max was beginning to trust is miles away. 

She inhales the cold air, the wind chilling her lungs and letting her hair fly behind her. The repetitive sound of her skateboard against the gravel calms her. Max doesn’t know where she’s headed to. She just wants to go somewhere, and feel free for a few hours. Max hasn’t felt free for a long time. 

Somehow, just somehow, Max finds her footsteps leading to Hopper’s old cabin. It’s been abandoned ever since El packed her things to live with the Byers for a few months before they moved to Illinois. The walls are damaged and peeling, and the floor panels creak with every step. Max coughs, inhaling dust particles as her stomach sinks. This is a dead man’s home. 

Max slowly enters El’s old room. It’s pretty empty compared to when she was here last, the only things left being the bare mattress and the carpet. Max remembers clearly the day she spent here. How they laughed and smiled and caused trouble. Max sinks on to the bed, lying down with tears leaking out of her eyes. She wishes El were here to wrap her arms around her, like she did when they snuck out to Max’s house. 

Max eyes suddenly shut open. Max remembers that El spied on the boys, and could see them. She vaguely remembers getting into a fight with Mike about it, him claiming that she was corrupting her. Max doesn’t know that much about El’s powers, but maybe when she visits people, she can read their thoughts too. 

Max’s eyes immediately close again. Max can’t call because she doesn’t know Joyce’s house number, and in a fit of rage weeks ago she destroyed her walkie talkie. 

_El, can you hear me? Eleven?_ Max calls in her mind, knowing that the chances of El randomly checking on her are slim. _El . . . I don’t know if you can hear me. You probably can’t, to be honest._ Max pauses, feeling strange. 

_I can’t function without you. Everyday just gets harder and harder and I just feel like my mind is just . . . slowly breaking into pieces._

__

__

I wish you would come back. If you were here everything would just be so much better. You are fucking world’s away, and I have no idea how you are doing or if you are okay. I know it’s selfish, but I just miss you so much. __

__

__

Max pauses, taking deep breaths, trying to stop the hot tears running down her freckled cheeks.

 _El, if you are listening to me now, please give me a sign. I don’t know what you can do so far away, but please give me something. Anything. I just want you to think about me, even if it’s just for a moment._ Max slowly opens her eyes, waiting for some strange sort of event to happen. Silence stretches on, the room remains still and empty. 

Max collapses, releasing all her tension, trying to go to sleep without facing her inevitable rejection. 

________________________________________

_And this is when the feeling sinks in  
I don't wanna miss you like this  
Come back, be here  
Come back, be here_


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is based off of breathe by taylor swift
> 
> warning: this chapter contains a little bit of homophobia

_Music starts playin' like the end of a sad movie,  
It's the kinda ending you don't really wanna see  
'Cause it's tragedy and it'll only bring you down,  
Now I don't know what to be without you around_

_______________________

Since she moved, things have been . . . different. El doesn’t like different. Sometimes it’s good, like when she left her old life at the facility to live with Mike, but most of the time it’s bad. Growing up trapped in a hospital means you have very little knowledge of the world, and very little social interactions. El thinks she has been fine with the social part. She and Mike understood each other, and eventually Lucas and Dustin warmed up to her. One of the only times El has liked changes is when she chose to stop being holed up in her room, and had the time of her life with Max. El still hasn’t really clicked with Will, even though they live together now, but they still care for each other. But socializing with the rest of the world is the part where El completely fails. 

Going to school with other kids El’s age with only one distant friend is an absolute hellfire. El is only getting older, and with age judgment only grows. 

El sighs, packing her backpack, leaving her room. One of the only good parts of this big move is living with Joyce now. She hates to admit it but Joyce is a lot more caring than Hop was. El will always love and miss him, but he wasn’t perfect. El wishes he could have been more of upfront with his love for her before he passed, like he did in his letter. El shuts her eyes tight, trying to stop the tears threatening to slip out. 

The car ride to school is always awkward. Joyce heated up a waffle for El, but she couldn’t eat it because it reminded her to much of home. Johnathan doesn’t even live here anymore, going to a small community college a few miles away. He was planning on going to a better one, but he didn’t get enough money. 

El glances over at Will. He looks sad, just like he always does. El remembers how Mike use to tell her how happy Will was, before she came around. Every time El hears Will crying, or sees him shaking with red eyes, she feels guilty. She wishes she was strong enough to resist the scientists. That she wouldn’t have opened the Upside Down, and Will wouldn’t have to deal with the weight of her trauma for the rest of his life. 

It’s hard. It’s hard to see Will so devastated, knowing she’s going to be like him for the rest of her life. There was no before for her. She’s been raised in the facility since she was a newborn. El doesn’t want to be sad like Will is, but the thing is that she already is. 

El just wants a chance to be happy. Maybe a Tuesday morning isn’t the best time to think about life goals, but El can’t help it when her mind travels to a different place, encapsulating her thoughts for most the day. 

The car pulls into the parking lot just as El takes her first bite into her frozen waffle. Anxiety pulls at her stomach at the thought of stepping into the school building. How fast things have changed. Going from your guardian dying and nearly loosing your life, to crying about school. But to be fair, El doesn’t think either are easy.

Joyce turns around, a worried expression already on her face. El still doesn't feel close enough with Joyce to go to her when she's upset, but she always feels comforted by her. El would've been so overjoyed if Hopper chose to pursue Joyce romantically. El feels bad for Joyce too. She always seems worried about something, always wringing her hands and having a quiver in her voice. She's another person El still feels guilty for. She feels like the mother El never had, which again El feels bad for because she _does_ have a mother. 

"Please take care of each other," Joyce says with a shaky voice. "You know you can always call me, alright? Just come right home if anything bad happens. Please promise to stay safe, okay? El and Will, please take care of each other. I- I'll see you at home in a few hours." 

"Thanks, Mom," Will says quietly, eyes still trained at the floor. El doesn't say anything, only reaches forward to give her a light hug. They watch as her rusted car pulls away, and slowly walk in silence towards the building.

Will and El slowly separated, them being in different classes for the whole day. El can catch on quickly, but she is still very behind the rest of the grade, and is forced to be in the intermediate classes. El isn’t one to assume, but the people in her classes fit every high school stereotype. Girls and boys focused on insignificant things taking up most of the attention, and the rest sitting quietly in the back. 

El sits down in her usual chair in the back of her history class. Things are good for now, until the teacher forces her to partner up with the rude boy with a loud laugh. He’s kind of like Steve, or Steve if he were rude and obnoxious. 

He scoots closer to El, his face so close to hers. El still doesn’t know his name. She’s kind of grateful that she still doesn’t have her powers back, because she would’ve done some sort of harm to this boy and then she’d be expelled. 

“Hey new girl, why don’t you talk?” the boy asked, a smirk on his face. El’s cheeks heat up, not answering him. She wishes Max were here, because she always new what to say. Max is _amazing _at everything. She’d get him to leave her alone.__

__“You know you’re kinda hot,” he pauses and laughs, “in a freakish way. All the girls in this school are dumb of course, but you’re just plain stupid. You don’t even know how to talk.” El feels hot tears well up in her eyes, as two of the boys friends howl and whistle at her._ _

__She turns away, scratching nothing away with her pencil. El wishes her old life didn’t end like it did. El doesn’t want to over dramatize her life, but she would consider it a tragedy of some sorts. A little girl’s brain mutilated until becoming supernatural, and opening a port to another world and letting loose dangerous creatures that captures another boy her age. She manages to run away and defeat the monster and rescue the boy, only for it to come back again. And again. She finds wonderful people, but then they die. She leaves, to be alone forever. Tragedy._ _

__The rest of the morning aches on, El still sad from her morning encounters. It happens everyday, after all, but somehow it just affects her so hard. She doesn’t understand how social aspects come so easily to people._ _

__El and Will eat lunch together in silence. Will seems to be having slightly similar struggles that El has, but she wouldn’t know anyways. The next few hours go by quickly until El is in her next class._ _

__This time she’s surrounded by a group of girls. The girls are just as bad as the boys, but in a different way. There’s this one girl in her class that always catches El’s eyes. She’s extremely beautiful, with soft blonde curls and wide eyes and long legs._ _

__Suddenly, the girls eyes snap forward and motions to two of her friends and El immediately moves her eyes downward, staring at her empty desk. One of the girl’s friends slams her fist on El’s desk, causing her to jump._ _

__“Why do you keep staring at Tanya like that? We can all see it and it’s so creepy. You’re acting like a queer, and it’s scaring us.”_ _

__El feels confused, still unsure of what she means, but knowing it can’t be good. She doesn’t want to seem creepy. El refuses to tear her eyes of the ground as she asks softly,_ _

__“I’m sorry, I don’t know what you mean.”_ _

__Many of the girls erupt in fits of giggles. El hears whispers all around her, and can tell that she’s going to cry. El runs out of the room quickly, but she can still feel the pretty girl who’s name must be Tanya eyes boring i to the the back of her head._ _

__She sits on a bench outside of the school, waiting for Will to be done so Joyce can pick them up and go home. El doesn’t know what she keeps doing wrong. She doesn’t understand how people _hate_ her. One thing El definitely does not know is whether it would be easier to know what’s wrong with her or not. _ _

__El sits on that bench for a while, and suddenly she hears a faint voice in the very back of her head. It’s Max. El wants to reach her, wants to know what she’s saying, but even on a good day she wouldn’t be powerful enough to spy on her. And definitely not now._ _

__El hears vague words, like how hard Max’s life is without her. El’s heart sinks. She definitely doesn’t want Max to be sad, because Max is one of the most wonderful humans one this person planet and she doesn’t deserve to be upset. Another tiny part of El feels happy that Max is having a hard time without her just she is having a hard time without Max. El’s insides twist with guilt._ _

__She takes a deep breath and attempts weakly to send a message back to hear. _Max, this isn’t easy for me either._ El feels a stab of doubt, the logical side of her saying that she’s just being stupid again, and there’s no way Max actually just sent a message to her through her brain. El probably just imagined it because she’s just so lonely. __

____Thankfully, Joyce’s car pulls up in a few minutes, her anxiety always making her early._ _ _ _

____“El, are you alright? Why are you out of school so early?” Joyce asks worriedly, her eyebrows furrowed._ _ _ _

____“I’m fine,” El replies quietly, “my teacher just let us out super early today._ _ _ _

____“If that’s what you say,” Joyce’s voice still filled with doubt. “Let’s just wait hear for Will.”_ _ _ _

____A few moments later, he joins them, and they begin their slow drive back home. El lets herself fantasize for a moment, fantasize that she’s still back in Hawkins. She’d see Max, and Lucas and Dustin, and Mike. El vaguely remembers Mike promising to call her everyday. He didn’t. Yeah, they probably don’t want her back anyways. Max’s message was definitely a figment of her imagination._ _ _ _

____Tears roll down El’s cheeks as they pull into the driveway.  
__________________________ _ _ _

_________And we know it's never simple,_  
_Never easy_  
_Never a clean break, no one here to save me_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought El would be way harder to write than Max, but it turns out it was actually the other way around. Please only send me positive messages, but I am open to constructive criticism. Thank you <3


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